now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
