I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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