The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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