You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
