I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize