I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize