i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
