So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
