It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize