Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
