Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
