4 words: hood of his car
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
