i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
