I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
