there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
