I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize