whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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