If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
smell my finger.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
do nipples grow back?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
