By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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