3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i dont even know how to be here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
