Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize