I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
