I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize