I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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