My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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