I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize