you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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