Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
