Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize