Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
