Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
