Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
