i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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