It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
