I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
