Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
