where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
