The maid of honor just puked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
