i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
