8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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