I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize