I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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