I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
