Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
