totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
