Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
