he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
