guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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