At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
