is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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