Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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