I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize