Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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