the condom got lost in my hair
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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