i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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