party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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