What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
