Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
