My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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