can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
