A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize