I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
