My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
