She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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